Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches

103 Marshall St., Syracuse, NY 13210
Grade: B


When I review a men's room with a locking door, I tend to take far too many photographs. I'm so used to sneaking around in public restrooms trying to get some shots off when no one is around that I go a little crazy when I'm able to. This review - for a small Jimmy's John's bathroom with nothing particularly exceptional about it - has nine pictures. Goodness gracious.

It's a clean little bathroom with some nice tiling, above average floor detail and quirky wall accoutrements to set it apart. The sink is manual and drains a little slow, but it provides good temperature control. Manual soap dispenser (with orange liquid soap) and paper towel dispenser. All of the facilities are modern and in good working order. The lack of a urinal is a bit of a drawback, especially since, upon closer inspection, I found some liquids remaining on the toilet seat. I feel that the sign on the wall might expound on this issue, but it's in German. I tried "bitte im sitzen pilken" on www.freetranslation.com and it came up with "please in that sit pee." This is very funny. Anyway, it would be nice to not have to lift the seat.

There is a little bit of graffiti scratched into the upper right hand corner of the mirror, but it's not entirely noticeable or bothersome.

Target, Fairmount

3657 West Genesee St., Syracuse, NY 13219
Grade: B+


Wow. Target stepped its game up. Actually, I'm not sure if that's accurate. I don't think I've ever actually been inside a Target men's room to even compare against this one. Has anyone? Ever? Usually, I am too busy being completely captivated by the vast array of stationary and faux-antique wicker laundry bins to pay my bodily functions any mind. Usually, I just stalk through the aisles doing my Steve Martin from "The Jerk" thing: "I need this... I need this..."

Anyway, let's just say I was surprised. The men's room is clean with bright lights and extremely modern decor in the standard Target/White Stripes (I wonder what their bathroom is like?) white and red color scheme. There is an insanely-polished chrome Xlerator dryer (peep the Steelers tee and Nike Air Maxes vividly reflected in the pic below) and the same urinal bowls (though not auto-flushing) found in the well-reviewed Fairmount Panera. Perhaps the entire shopping center got some sort of tax credit by buying these in bulk.

The sink basins and fixtures are stainless steel, and the water is automatic. There was one horribly clogged toilet (not pictured for your health), though I will consider this an anomaly.

In general, the restroom looks something like THX-1138:

Except nothing like that. It looks more like:

 

As a bonus, I did find an image of the actual THX-1138 bathrooms:

Empire Brewing Co.

120 Walton St., Syracuse, NY 13202
Grade: B+


Considering that the stairway down to the Empire Brewing Co. simulates an NYC subway entrance, the restaurant's men's room is actually quite nice. There is a certain subterranean atmosphere, but it is more that of a cool cave than a sleazy underworld.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in the door was the smell of chlorine bleach, which is not at all a bad smell considering the potential alternatives. The overhead lighting is low, and the walls are a deep metallic bronze color. The floor-length urinal reminds one of relieving himself in a frigid underground creek, watching the steam rise as the liquids meet. The stall and urinal divider are stainless steel, though they could use a bit of polishing. The sink and soap dispenser are standard and manual, but an Xlerator dryer - instantly dissolving moisture like a sudden daft between cracks in the fungi-covered rock - is thrown in for good measure.

Sterling Renaissance Fair

15385 Farden Rd., Sterling, NY 13156
Grade: D-


Most everything at the Sterling Renaissance Festival is renaissance- (or, more accurately, medieval-, or, sometimes even more accurately, fantasy-) themed. Grown men and women walk around in cloaks and kilts and chains and jewels. People have swords strapped to their backs or hips. You can throw tomatoes at a guy who in turn hurls insults at you. You can purchase full-sized turkey legs to eat. They sell soda, but it is referred to as something along the lines of "non-mead sweet drinks." There is magic and jousting. It is, in short, totally awesome.

That said, the restrooms drop the ball. Big time. The Renaissance Festival is made up of permanent structures; its huts and pubs and stands are around all year. So why would the bathrooms not be themed as well? A quick Google search of "medieval bathrooms" yields the following results:

Any one of these examples, no matter how filthy or dysfunctional, would have been amazing. Instead, we're teased with this promising sign...

...only to be treated with an awful, disgusting, ordinary, non-themed, almost completely non-functioning men's room. The soap dispensers do not work and are instead replaced with pump-bottles, which are of course soaking wet and gross from the sheer number of people who pass through. The automatic hand dryers do not work. It smells, quite frankly, awful.

The one redeeming feature is the costumed restroom attendant, though he seemed to simply stand outside of the door and not actually do anything. I do not have a photograph of him because I would have been obligated to tip him, and I wasn't about to tip him for standing there with a basket and saying "Thank ye, good sir."

If it helps, you can use the porta-johns that are set up along some of the pathways. They are actually much cleaner and probably simulate medieval bathrooms a little more closely.

Laci's Tapas Bar

304 Hawley Ave., Syracuse, NY 13203
Grade: A+


I don't normally do this. This is a blog dedicated to strictly bathroom reviews and not, usually, the quality of the establishment itself. But listen: if you live in Syracuse (as I know a few of my readers do) and have not yet been to Laci's Tapas Bar, then get over there as soon as possible. This is a great little place in a converted house with an incredible menu, extremely reasonable prices, remarkably friendly staff and classy/laid back ambiance. The homemade sangria is delicious and leaves you happily buzzed after two glasses. Their grand opening event is later this month and is invitation-only for those who like their Facebook page, so do yourself a favor and jump on that. I personally plan on being there all the time, and so should you.

That said, on to the men's room. This type of scene is why I got into the bathroom reviews business in the first place. I believe the photos speak for themselves, but I'll give you the quick rundown: an exposed brick wall contrasts nicely with the opposing blue-painted wall and red-painted door. The mirror frame is of an incredibly creative design, and it is nice to see a chandelier used properly. I love the transparent standing bowl sink and framed black-and-white photography. Even the sign reminding staff members to wash their hands is gracious, decorative and inviting. It of course goes without saying that the facilities are clean as a whistle.

Are you still reading this? Get over to Laci's now!

L'adour

100 Montgomery St., Syracuse, NY 13202
Grade: B-


To be honest, I was pretty disappointed with this men's room. A great cafe-style French restaurant in downtown Syracuse - complete with sommelier and frequent live jazz band - L'adour should by all means have a prime restroom. The fact that it does not is, quite frankly, extremely disheartening.

Don't get me wrong; these are decent facilities. The men's room rises slightly above those of fast food joint and dive bars with its painted walls (though they could have done something more vibrant than dark beige) and insane triple mirror. The paper towel dispenser is automatic, though the flushing mechanisms, soap dispenser and sink are not.

But when I saw the "toilettes" sign on the door, I was expecting something creative and French-themed. Instead, the very first thing I saw was... a Guiness poster. Srsly? Guiness? The incongruity is astounding. Je ne comprends pas. The sommelier recommended an incredible semi-sweet French white wine whose name I couldn't even begin to pronounce to go with the veal and lobster dish. I don't understand the need to advertise the only Irish beer that Americans drink on the bathroom wall.

Beyond the modest stylistic touches mentioned above, the L'adour men's room just doesn't have that much going for it. The counter is thin and made of cheap wood with a cheesy fake-fancy plastic coating. Beneath the sink itself, the plumbing is all over the place and unsightly.

Look - there is no denying that this is a halfway nice restroom that does just enough to get itself out of complete mediocrity. I just wish they bothered to raise their restroom standards to those of their service and food.

In short, I did not particularly l'adour this restroom.*

*Author's note: as it turns out, L'adour means "The Adour," and the restaurant is named after the Adour river in southwestern France. Even if it had been "adore," meaning love, then I would have said "I did not particularly the love this restroom."

Panera Bread, Fairmount

3401 West Genesee St., Syracuse, NY 13219
Grade: B+


Not too shabby. This men's room is clean and modern with decorative tiles and warmly painted walls. Auto-flushing urinal is a plus. The lighting is soft and comforting - so much so that the old guy I was waiting on to leave so I could take pictures actually relieved himself very, very rapidly.

The one drawback is that the sink drained extremely slowly, but I'm sure this is not a recurring problem. In general, you could apply the same term to this Panera's restroom that you could to their menu: faux-yuppie.