Acacia Club (Scottish Rite)

348 Market St, Williamsport, PA 17701-6315
Grade: C


Given the overall elegance of the Acacia Club/Scottish Rite's interior, the men's room does come across as a bit of a letdown. There simply is not anything here to raise the facilities above those commonly found in fast food restaurants and gas stations. The wall and floor tiles are standard issue, and everything -- from the urinals to the soap dispenser -- is manually operated. The paper towel dispenser, though bland and even a little worse for the wear (with a somewhat loose lever), carries the misleadingly awesome name of "MAX2000." 


Extra rolls of toilet paper are perched precariously above the toilet bowls, and while I appreciate having the extra TP on hand, there does seem to be a fairly large risk of these being accidentally knocked into the water below. If you are concerned about the availability of toilet paper, why not go the extra mile and install a second toilet paper roll holder in each stall?


I also encountered some confusion while attempting to enter the restroom in the first place. While the door does not lock, the door knob also does not turn and the door itself is simply pulled or pushed to be opened. However, since the doorknob does not turn, it lends the illusion that the restroom is locked and that one must wait in the hallway outside for the facilities to become unoccupied. Was my face red when, several minutes later, a gentleman (obviously familiar with the premises) walked past me and simply pushed his way on through.


Though this may seem like a lot of criticism, this really is a perfectly clean, average public restroom that should serve any man just fine. The small negative details tend to jump out in bathrooms that otherwise have very few distinguishable features.

Tim Hortons, Cortland

141 Clinton Avenue, Cortland, NY 13045-1317
Grade: B+


The high quality of this Tim Horton's men's room was certainly unexpected. This is not to knock the establishment itself; I have actually found that the majority of stand-alone Tim Hortons are very modern and clean in general. But one does tend to, however unintentionally, assume things about the restroom of a fast food donut and coffee place.


This men's room erased those assumptions immediately. While these are basically utilitarian facilities done up with decorative tile, the room is nonetheless clean, pleasant and easy on the eyes. The hand dryer is small yet powerful, and the single-occupant bathroom offers a locking door for privacy. While there are a few improvements that could be made to bump it up to elite class -- the soap dispenser is a very standard pump model, and is filled with ordinary pink liquid soap -- this is an overall diamond in the rough.

South Hills Village

S Hills Village, Pittsburgh, PA 15241

Grade: A-

More often than not, I find going to the mall to be a completely exhausting experience. This is not an antisocial or anti-consumerist thing; I feel very comfortable in crowds -- I have lived in or near cities for my entire life, and would not have it any other way -- and I sometimes do enjoy the casual shopping experience. But there is something about the harsh lighting and breakneck pace of most shopping malls that I simply cannot handle for prolonged periods of time. As a result, I prefer my visits to the mall to be quick and to the point, and generally only visit the mall for a movie or for a very specific item from a very specific retailer. My ideal mall visit certainly would not last long enough to have to take a bathroom break.

But in the rare case that I do need to spend several hours shopping, it's good to know that there are some malls that have their patrons' hygiene and comfort in mind. Take the men's room at South Hills Village. I couldn't ask for a more pleasant restroom experience than I received here, especially from a major retail center on a Saturday afternoon. The facilities were nearly spotless, and the decorative countertop and tiles have more in common with an Olive Garden or a movie theater chain than what I remember of the grimy mall restrooms growing up. 

The toilets, urinals, faucets and soap dispensers are all automatic. There is a manual paper towel dispenser, but an automatic Xlerator hand dryer easily makes up for that. What really impresses me, though, is the toilets' flushing power. While I at first thought that one toilet seat displayed traces of another human's liquids -- and thus hinted at negligence in general restroom upkeep -- after some tests I realized that the toilets flush with such strength that they lightly spray their seat tops. While it is certainly inconvenient to have to wipe down the toilet seat should you need to use it, this over spray shows that the restroom's equipment is functional and up to date.

Pho Kim 88

4100 Library Rd # 3, Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1351
Grade: B+


Though a Vietnamese restaurant by nature, Pho Kim 88's men's room reflects (mostly) European decor. Not that this is a problem; while a little kitschy, the vines above the mirror and the column topped with scented candle and flowers beside the urinal are nevertheless nice touches. Further, the mass-produced art hanging on the wall is of a clearly European street scene, complete with cafe and chocolatier. The one Vietnamese accent -- the large, gold hand fan hanging beside the mirror -- contrasts very nicely with the deep red wall paint.

This would all be for naught if the restroom itself was unclean, but it seems to be very well maintained. While the urinal is a little low for my tastes (its bottom hangs only a few inches from the floor), the fact that is a single-person, locking bathroom is extremely convenient and lends the facilities a cozy, personal feel.

Gate House, Chatham University

5918 Fifth Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15232
Grade: A


The Chatham University Gate House offers a good example of what you can do with an otherwise unexceptional men's room. Though equipped with only the basics -- a standard paper dispenser and soap dispenser, as well as manually operated sink, toilet and urinal -- the decor lends the facilities a warm, comfortable ambience. Along with the peach-colored walls and the coordinating floor tiles, they have included a few countertop decorations (two small baskets and a sort of antique-looking chest) and some vanity lighting. Everything is very clean and obviously frequently attended to.


The one complaint I have is that the flush-mounted soap dispenser gives it a somewhat awkward pumping angle. You almost have to turn your hand sideways in order to pump the soap into your palm. This is a minor inconvenience, though, amidst an otherwise pleasant restroom experience.

Sheetz, Edinboro

5930 Rt. 6N West, Edinboro, PA 16412

Grade: D+

I don't care if you are a gas station off of the highway in the middle of not-exactly-happening Edinboro, Pennsylvania; there is no excuse for your men's room to be in such a state of disrepair, especially at 10:30pm on a Thursday night when traffic must be at its lowest. 

I do not expect anything particularly wonderful from gas station restrooms, and would be more or less content with reasonably clean, utilitarian facilities. But it appears as though even that is too much to ask of this Sheetz location. Though the restroom itself is in pretty good condition, I was shocked at the amount of garbage lying around on the floor. There were paper towels crumpled up on the floor near the trash can and toilet paper and toilet seat covers lying all about the stall. The sink was pretty filthy, and clearly had not been cleaned in some time. There was also a nearly-finished roll of toilet paper wedged between the handicap railing and the stall wall. Was someone really too lazy to install it in the dispenser?

Strangely, the restroom smelled all right -- as though it had recently been cleaned -- and a "wet floor" sign stood in the middle of the floor. This leads me to believe that an employee came in, pushed a mop around the floor and did not bother to pick up the garbage or clean the sink. Such negligence simply cannot be ignored. 

You had better believe that I contacted Sheetz to express my discontent as per the signage below. I implore all of my readers to make use of such contact information if any facilities that you come across are not up to par. We should not be required to tolerate such filth, and need to stand up and make our voices heard whenever possible. How else are things going to change? Remember: all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

Kaya

Ste 9, 2000 Smallman Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15222-4425
Grade: A-


It's a good thing that Kaya has a nice men's room. My brunch of huevos rancheros (over easy) with chorizo and coffee was delicious, but rather -- how shall I say this? -- movement inducing. I had not even made it halfway through the dish before I felt myself compelled to investigate, and utilize, the facilities, which lay beneath the restaurant at the base of a rather steep and narrow staircase.


Despite the out-of-the-way placement, Kaya has nothing to hide with this restroom. As pictured below, it is ripe with decorative touches: wood paneling, mosaic wall tiles in a wide range of blue hues, wall art, under-mount sink, stylish faucet. The in-the-wall paper towel cubby is a nice addition, and the paper towels themselves are of the highest quality I have ever seen at a restaurant. The trash, um, hole in the wall is interesting, and possibly labeled so because one might not understand its purpose otherwise. (I could see no hinges for a door or any other sort of opening around this hole, so I honestly have no idea where said trash ends up once deposited, or how it is collected when the time comes to do so.)


I do have a few complaints that, had this restroom been of lower general quality, might have affected the grade more than they do. First of all, it is an extremely small space. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it becomes extremely apparent upon using the stall. Those who know me know that I am not a man of considerable girth, yet when trying to close the stall door I had to position myself as far back in the stall as I possibly could -- and even then, the door still brushed against my chest as it swung by. The small space also means that the toilet itself is positioned very close to one wall (though it seems like there might have been room to center it in the stall). As a result, one's left thigh presses against the wall while seated. Lastly, the restroom is very slightly dirtier than it appears at first glance. Don't get me wrong, the facilities are still very clean overall. But as seen below in the close-up of the faucet, there is some grime that seems to indicate that the finer details are not frequently attended to. This is a very nitpicky observation, though, and I may have caught them right before a thorough cleaning.


All in all, this is a very fine men's room indeed. Next time you are in the Strip District on a Sunday morning and don't feel like waiting in line for one of those other brunch places, stop in to Kaya, order something heavy/delicious, and be prepared to let it fly -- though in total comfort and style.